Fire Down Below Tour Stop!

Dove Glitch is embarrassed about everything above her knees and below her belly button. When she has to fill a delicate, embarrassing prescription the last thing she needs is a sexy-as-hell (and brand spanking new) pharmacist behind the counter.

Johnson Fitzwell’s first day of his dream career also happens to coincide with the exact moment Dove needs her feminine meds filled. His glorious voice is way too loud–as in, he should be counting down the hits with Ryan Seacrest kind of loud. Thanks to Johnson’s handsome face and gorgeous jaw line, Dove dives headlong into her waking nightmare and asks for a vagina-scented cream.

How could she not fall for him? Dove's only active goal now is to get Johnson to kiss her right on the lips. Either set. However, his horrible girlfriend is one of many obstacles preventing her from making that fantasy a reality. When Dove defends Johnson in the most unhygienic, unconventionally gross way in the middle of a crowded restaurant, their tender, slightly tantric relationship is off to a galloping, farting start.

Each print copy of this book will be dipped in holy water by my mom, and glared at by my father as he purses his lips. Neither will help. So, drop your pants and turn to the left and cough. I hope you're not allergic to latex, because it’s time to fill your prescription. Anally.

I should have known.  When I picked up this book and read the title, that should have been all the warning that I needed that if I was to proceed further it should not 1) be in public or 2) be after ingesting any sort of solid or liquid.  But I didn’t heed my own warning, so I dove head first into the warped mind of Debra Anastasia.  I highly recommend adult diapers for this read.

At its heart, this is just a love story.  An awkward love story that I think we can all appreciate.  Dove Glitch is not comfortable with her body.  Especially her girly bits.  So when she gets an infection that could dub her “the Muffin Maker”, she has to brave a trip to the pharmacy in order to get it filled.  The problem is that the pharmacist is the gorgeous Johnson Fitzwell (that name is HI-larious). Dove would like Johnson to fill more than just her prescription, but can love bloom from a dark, itchy and uncomfortable place?

I hope the first paragraph didn’t frame this story wrong because truth be told, I haven’t laughed this much while reading in a long time.  I laughed out loud, and I cringed with discomfort.  It took me through an entire range of embarrassing emotions that brought my own youth back into sharp focus.  I was, all at once, a 37 year old woman and 13 year old fart joke loving boy while reading this.  I had never experienced that before so I guess the only thing I can do is say, thanks Debra.

The main characters of this book are great, but I think I fell a little in love with the supporting characters by the end.  Duke, especially, won my twisted heart over.  And what’s even better about this book is that it’s not a perfect love story.  It’s so FAR from perfect, but that makes it perfect.  How she manages to make this book so many things at once in both impressive and a little bit scary. 

Overall, I enjoyed the f*#k out of this book.  Can’t wait for the next installment.  5 stars.

#‎FireDownBelow‬  

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Oh God. We’re talking about me being naked, in the shower with cooter cream. Please world, end. Kill me.

“I know it’s not soap. I just… if it’s scented… I can’t do scented. Flowers and stuff like that. Fruit-flavored soaps make… things… burnish.” She could tell from the peeks at his face Mr. Fitzwell had never stepped foot in bath and lotion store, wanting to try the array of fun fragrances. Nor had he purchased Peppermint Candy shower gel, foamed up his nether regions, and felt like he had dipped them in lava. Dove crossed and uncrossed her legs at the memory.

Mr. Fitzwell seemed concerned. “Okay, just a heads-up. It’s definitely not good to put any fruits or plant life near your genitals.” He made a V with his hands and formed his own pretend vagina in front of his pants.

Dove covered her eyes and tried to defend herself because now she could hear the sickly older woman beating her supporters with a purse.

Dove’s mumbling got louder with her embarrassment. “I don’t put weird things down… there. Just make sure that the cream’s vagina-scented. Just plain. For vaginas.” She kept her eyes on the counter. 

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There are a lot of eyes in Debra Anastasia’s house in Maryland. First, her own creepy peepers are there, staring at her computer screen. She’s made two more sets of eyes with her body, and the kids they belong to are amazing. The poor husband is still looking at her after 17 years of marriage. At least he likes to laugh. Then the freaking dogs are looking at her—six eyeballs altogether, though the old dog is blind. And the cat watches her too, mostly while knocking stuff off the counter and doing that internal kitty laugh when Deb can’t catch the items fast enough.
           Debra has a smattering of books in a few genres. There are two in the Seraphim Series and three in the Poughkeepsie Brotherhood Series with a prequel, Poughkeepsie Begins in the near future. Fire Down Below is the first in the comedic Gynzaule Series. The second, Fire in the Hole, will be published in late 2015. The Revenger, a dark paranormal romance will debut this summer. And last, a novella called Late Night with Andres is special because 100% of the proceeds go to breast cancer research. (So go get it right now, please!) You can find her at DebraAnastasia.com and on Twitter @Debra_Anastasia. But be prepared...

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