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The lines are blurred between what is real and what isn't, the darkness that was once a place I feared was now a place of safety. If I stayed in the darkness, the hellish reality of what was truly happening no longer seemed real.
But I was about to be pulled out from under the consuming blanket of dark shadows, and plunged into the murky depths of my past. I was about to be shown my demons and all it's evil sides, all of it's pain and grief. I could only hope I survive it.
What happens when the world you once knew crumbles and falls at your feet?
Who will find me? Who will save me from my demons?
My dark prince or my white knight...
And will I find myself in the process.
Finding Me picks up where the first
book Finding You leaves off. Neva had falling in love with Logan, her
brother’s best friend and she was in love with Angel. When Finding Me
starts she is being held by Jack, the man who killed her father and is also Angel’s
dad. Neva is beyond terrified at the surroundings, knowing that Jack
wants to kill her and dealing with the betrayal of Angel, who she felt lead her
to Jack as an “offering” instead of loving her like he had professed.
As we see what happens in the
basement, she is able to gather the truth about her father and the reason Jack
killed him, along with why that wasn’t good enough, he wants her dead
too. She knows she is going to have to save herself if she wants to get
out alive as Angel is suffering the same torture she is. Once they have
been rescued the rest of the book focuses on her recover and picking up the
pieces.
Once she wakes up in the hospital
she is shocked to see who is by her side, Logan. He has to make a choice,
to enable her and prevent her from healing or walk away and let her find the
strength to recover on her own. Even though she hurt him by choosing
Angel, he knows he loves her and his heart won’t turn against her.
Neva is going to have to face the
PTSD and the fact her father died years before. She has to recover her
life, stop letting panic and anxiety rule her world. She needs to get
back to college, find a job, and figure out if she and Logan have a
chance. Logan has to let her go till she is ready to try again, learn to
forgive her and also he needs to learn to forgive himself for the choices he
makes during this journey. The author does a brilliant job explaining
PTSD in this story with Neva’s therapy sessions.
The author gave us Angel’s story,
the reason why he was the man he was. That was one broken soul that was
covered by the sexy male façade. I will admit, I hated him in the beginning but
by the end of the book my heart broke for him. Still he had the courage
and knowledge that he still loved Neva and he needed to confront her about what
he did.
This was a good book, it wasn’t the
intense edge of your seat read. The beginning was pretty edgy but as the
story progressed there was a healing calm to the story. I don’t think you
would enjoy this one as much if you read it as a standalone book. You
will gain more insight and emotion for these characters if you read Finding You
first.
"Neva, don't walk away from me!" Logan spits.
He is angry. What right did he have to be angry with me? I wasn't the one flirting with another girl. Why was he even here anyway? "Go away, Logan!" I say, walking faster.
Suddenly my arms are latched to my back and I am being spun around. My heartbeat picks up around twenty notches as I come eye to eye with Logan.
"Why the hell are you always running from me? I can't take it when you run from me!"
"I'm not doing this now. Let me go." I say, trying to get my wrist free from his grasp.
"No, we are doing this now. Why the hell did you run?"
"We're all running from something, Logan." I spit, repeating Dex's words.
"You still don't get it do you? How much clearer do I need to be for you to understand that I'm not going anywhere? I have been in love with you for ten years, Neva! Ten years. It isn't just going to go away!"
"I never asked you to love me! Why are you doing this to me?" "Because I hate seeing you fall and not get back up. I want to be the one to catch you, but you keep pushing me away!"
"What do you want from me?" I whisper.
"You. Just you. All of you. Every broken piece."
I bow my head. He releases my wrists from behind my back, and they drop to my side. I can't give him what he wants. I just can't do it. I will break him. Christ, I break myself on a daily basis.
"I can't give you that." I say, taking a step back.
"I'm not giving you up without a fight, Neva. You can't just walk away from us!"
"I am protecting you the only way I know how."
"I don't need protecting. What part of me looks like it needs protecting?"
"Your heart." I whisper. I gulp back the tears that were begging to release. I would not cry. But every time I pushed back that feeling, it hurt just a little bit more.
"You're breaking it right now." He whispers, taking a step towards me.
"I will break it over and over again, Logan. My nightmares will hurt you, my fear of people being ripped away from me will gut you, and my anxiety will spike yours."
"I can take pain, Neva. I had dealt with it for the past three weeks. I would rather have the pain with you, than without you."
"I … I." The words are at the tip of my tongue. Waiting to release, but I know if I say them, everything will change. Nothing will be the same and I will drag him into the pit of hell where my heart lies and my nightmares are real.
"I can't."
S.K. Hartley is a mother, wife and a writer. Based in the not so sunny North West of England you can find her either glued to her computer desk, in the public library (Yes, they do still exist!) or floating around her favourite authors books signings.
S.K. Hartley has an unhealthy obsession with coffee, chocolate and retro computer games and a healthy obsession of stalking indie authors.
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